The semester test is getting nearer and nearer. It is now 2 more days left. The January intake starts thier test today. Though there is only 2 days left, I still can't keep myself focused, and I don't feel scared at all... OMG... what happened to me?? I can't even do 3 simple Maths questions on my own just now, have to ask for help for each question...

I can't figure what happened. Damned, what I have in mind?? God, what should I do?? Study is not my thing, then what should I do?? 1 more week left and my longing heart of going back home is growing stronger day by day. Aww... how to do my semester test??

Had my dinner just as the picture shown above. Rice wrapped with beans and 海苔, with some shao mai and my mom's handmade fish ball (that's what I call it). It was a nice dinner. Oh well, this semester test is gonna be /gg. Bring it on!!


By,
Blue-Wingz

2 days... 2 days damn it!! I live in the hell of itchiness for a damn long period of 48 hours, making me to have sleepless nights. The stupid itchiness starts on Thursday night, making me to be awake, scratching my face (why the hell on my face??) for the whole night until Friday morning. But somehow the itchiness fades away that morning until that afternoon. After my lunch, the stupid itchiness made a damned come back. I started feeling itchy, and I scratched and scratched and scratched. People around me may have thought that I never take a shower...

When I am back in my room, the itchiness intensified. Gaaah, why at this time?? The itchiness is ruining my TGIF!! The itchiness made me scratched without stopping, resulting a red hands and legs with bumps. I tried with some balsam, oilments and powder but it is not easing the itchiness. I had a sleepless night again, going to bed at 2, woke at 4, then back to sleep at 6 again. I wasted the whole Saturday afternoon but managed to sleep peacefully at 4pm.

At last, the itchiness is minimal now, though I sometimes feel like scratching. When I recall back, I remembered that I ate an stupid egg in the fridge which I don't know the "age" already on Thursday night, making me feel itchy. That damned, stupid, freaking egg!! And I learned a lesson, to be careful next time. Damn, why this kind of stupid thing is happening on me??


By,
Blue-Wingz

Time sure flies, and now its the start of the sixth month of year 2008. 1 week from now, I'll be having my first semester exam (11 June till 13 June). School is now geting tougher and tougher, with nowhere to stop and take a look at the surroundings. Lecturers rushing against time, stuffing in chunks of stuffs into the small tenee-wenee brains of ours. Though I mentioned this lots of times, but I still hate to know that I'm in a fast track.

Why can't they consider slowing down for a while? A while isn't too bad is it? Allowing us to catch some breath, take in the sceneries around us ( I mean the stuff in the notes and power points ) more thoroughly, then we set off in a new pace, advancing with knowledge that we gained and remembered well, isn't that good? We learned Chemistry and knew about the term dynamic equilibrium, why can't this apply on us? The forward reaction is equal to the backward reaction, if you keep inserting infos into our brain and did not give time for us to digest ( I know some of them have a faster rate of reaction in thier brains, but be considerate please, I'm slow in this reaction ), the equilibrium is broken.

Well, what can I do? I chose the path of studying A Level and paid for the large amount of fees, I can't afford to go back and regret now. This maybe life... Speaking of life, the song LIFE by YUI flashed through my mind:

泥だらけよ　馴染めない都会で
同じように笑えない　うつむいて歩いたの
急ぎ足で　すれ違う人たち
「夢は叶いましたか？」　ワタシまだモガいてる

子供の頃に戻るよりも　今をうまく生きてみたいよ
怖がりは　生まれつき

陽のあたる場所に出て　両手を広げてみたなら
あの空　越えてゆけるかな？　なんて思ったんだ

飛び立つ為の翼　それは　まだ見えない
カンタンに　行かないから　生きてゆける

濡れた子犬　拾いあげただけで
ちょっと笑えちゃうほど　涙がこぼれてきた
愛されたい　愛されたいばかり
ワタシ言っていたよね　求めるだけじゃダメね

子供の頃はママの事　ひどく傷つけた日もあったよね
変わりたい　いま全部.

陽のあたる場所に出て　この手を強く握ってみた
あの場所　あの時を壊して　I can change my life

でも　心の中　すべてを　とても伝えきれない
カンタンに　行かないから　生きてゆける

陽のあたる場所に出て　地図を広げてみるけど
I know…　You know…　迷い道も仕方ない
I can change my life

過ぎてきた日々全部で　今のわたしなんだよ
カンタンに　行かないから　生きてゆける

Changed the "atashi" part to fit into my scenario. I know this is an old song ( Somewhere around 2006 ), but it is soothing and somehow really describes the life of a person, that's why YUI's song is this nice. Sigh... it's late now, I have to sleep to replenish my energy and continue my journey of LIFE.

ジャア、またね!

By,
Blue-Wingz @ Outcasted

Another two months just passed, a month and twenty four days to be precise. I'm here alone in Subang Jaya now, as a normal college student, attending college every weekdays without the warmth of being at home. Aw...I miss my home so much... You can call me homesick, I don't care. Though things I missed the most are my family, my computer and also my precious, fluffy bed.

I was nervous, or maybe scared when I first step into the apartment unit I am supposed to stay in. I slowly made freinds with my housemates, then later my classmates. At least I don't feel alone for now. Sometimes I kept thinking where are my friends in my hometown and what are they doing. Even though we have each others' contact in MSN Messenger, we barely communicated. Maybe they are busy?

Class commenced just the day after the Orientation programme. The lecturers are fine, except for the Biology lecturer. She has the ability to hypnotise me everyday, in any condition. I sometimes have to strengthen my will to stay awake during her class, but to no avail -- it is just tooooo boring. Imagine you are in a class, with Power Point slides infront of you, and the front lights are all switched off, plus her unconsistent voice frequency... You will fell asleep in no time, a typical Power Point lecturer. Some of my friends even bought Nescafe and Red Bull (don't know it is working or not) just to attend her class.

Since I'm in the March intake, I am travelling against time, that's what most of the lecturer said. They keep feeding us things according to the syllabus, cramming our small little brains with overloading "files". I sometimes found out that the files are drifting inside my mind, but I can't get it at all. It made me have the feeling to drop everything and go back home to sleep. It's just so damn frustrating!! I need air!! I need to breath!! Damn it!!

Bah...whatever. What can I do? Because of that stupid NS, I have to cope with the speed of the lecturers (suprisingly, I found out that the Chemistry lecturer is just like the Chemistry teacher in my middle school: she talked like M-16 shooting unstoppable bullets and scribble things on the board with uncomprehend handwriting and speed). No choice, I guess. Everyone have to chase after thier dreams after all. In order to do that, we have to pass through this stage. Have to workhard...


By,
Oucasted the 1/2

Phew...This is the first time I'm posting this year. It has been a long time since I last posted, a long long time. Well, how come I choose to post a new post today? you ask. The answer is simple, that's because today's a pubic holiday, and most importantly, it's my birthday!!!

Time just flies, faster than you ever thought. I'm 18 now, hm... 18. What does 18 mean? Maybe it means that I'm officially a young adult now. When everyone is/was 18, we are capable of doing things on our own, such as openning account, driving a car, study out there alone and whatever else you can think of.

But for me, 18 is a new start. A new start after I have graduated from secondary school, and continue my life as a maturing human being, learning stuffz and also experience. I did very good when I was young. I got good results in UPSR and also PMR. God, I'm so proud of myself. Then, my SPM result came "into my collection". My self pride just came crumbling down instantly. Holy crap!! I screwed my SPM!! I have nothing to say, can't even cry out loud. What for, crying over a jug of spilt milk??

So that's why 18 is a new start for me. I have to be independent far away from home, study hard so that I can "replenish" my results. It has been about 6 years since I studied really hard, and I'm not sure if I can make it. But since I did it before, so I have to tell myself I can make it. I heard that A-Level is tough, but not as tough as STPM (that's the main reason I chose A-Level), so working hard is the only solution now that I can think of.

Man, working hard is damn hard, but I hope and pray that the fruits that beared after hard work is heavenly nice ans sweet.


Sincerely by
Outcasted the 1/2

A shocking news came "travelling" around. It was as fast as lightning. In just about a minute, most of the seniors in the school knew the incident. A Form 4 student wanted to commit suicide... This was the first case here in school though there are few cases which is in speculating in the junior classes.

He was holding a knife. Some said he don't dare to commit it, so he hurt himself by cutting his right hand. His friends act quickly when he turned. They quiclky took the knife he is holding and hide it. The boy got later keep searching for his knife. According to some "reliable sources", he broke with his girlfriend who is studying in one of the junior classes.

He can't resist the pain and thought of this. He was later sent home by his mother. The "girlfriend" was also shocked. She cried the whole day and we can see her face all red. But we did not think she cried because she is sad after breaking with his boyfriend. We think that she is just scared of his boyfriend who may do some unthinkable things becasue she, is someone that look down on others.

The boy is such a good boy. He is the top in his class, but I never thought that he will do such things. This shocked not only me, but every friends of his, including his own mother. Some said a person who broke with someone and cannot surpress their feelings will do something unimaginable. I really hope he can wake up as we are freinds since we were in primary school.

I just want to say this in Chinese:人虽拥有五官七脏，七情六欲，但是不能太重视未成熟的情，以免受伤害。朋友，我真希望你觉醒悟。。。